Review No.100: John Carter

So we've reached the halfway stage earlier than expected so break open that champagne and release those party poppers however first maybe you'll want to read my review of John Carter. Yes for my 100th film I thought I'd choose one of the most talked about films of the year so far as this family space-set adventure has lost Disney approximately 150 million dollars. Starting off in Civil War Virginia it sees Carter trying to escape being enlisted by some weird army dudes led by Bryan Cranston only to escape from the Indians into a cave and ends up in space thanks to a magic medallion. Carter is transported to Mars, however just to confuse everybody Mars here is known as Barsoom, and quickly discovers the fights between two warring cities Helium and Zodanga one of which has loads of green dudes while the other has men who have tattoos all ove their faces. John is heralded by all of the people of Barsoom for his ability to jump very high and punch people quite hard in the face, essentially possessing the qualities of an early 1990s video game character, this earns him respect but also makes some people distrust him. There's obviously a love interest for Carter in the form of Lynn Collins' Dejah Thoris the Princess of Helium, that doesn't mean she has a high voice, who is engaged to Dominic West's Zodanga prince as their wedding would hopefully unite all of Barsoom. Obviously Carter won't let that happen so after fleeing from a gladiatorial space arena and then becoming the leader of Helium he heads over to stop the wedding and overthrow the evil men with tattoos on their faces. If this weren't confusing enough all of this is being narrated by Carter through diaries written to his nephew the novelist Edgar Rice Burroughs who at the end of the story becomes one of the characters in his own right because that's just the way this film works.

Headache. That's really my one word review of John Carter a film that obviously started as a labour of love for director Andrew Stanton but turned into a nightmare when Disney got its hand on it. Of course the big issue was the loss of the words Of Mars after John Carter as the marketing people didn't want audiences who weren't sci-fi fans to be put off by those words despite the poster featuring actor Taylor Kitsch being framed behind a red planet. Stanton, famous for his work directing Pixar films such as Wall-E and Finding Nemo, does bring a cartoonish sensibility here however these characters don't feel as real as the animated ones he's directed in the past. There are some generally interesting set pieces, such as the gladiator scenes and the final battle, as well as some very hammy acting but there are far too many problems to look at this film in a favourable light. For one thing there are just too many odd character and place names to get your head around Han Solo and Luke Skywalker were easy names to remember Tars Takas and Kantos Kan role off the tongue less easily. The effects generally aren't that special with the Tharks, the green alien beings, not looking all that impressive unless Stanton really wanted a retro vibe for his film and if he wanted he certainly got it. As a lead character Carter is exactly a hero often running away from problems, trying to steal gold or punching people in the face while Kitsch is such a charmless actor that he really can't pull off being a loveable rogue or for that matter create any convincible chemistry with female lead Collins. It's up to the veteran British actors to do some hammy performances as the evil doers with Dominic West and Ciaran Hinds doing a reasonable job however for the second film in a row it is Mark Strong who has the best time doing his evil face. So that's film 100 for you and as I embark on the second half of my voyage I can be safe in the knowledge that I'll never have to watch John Carter again.

Verdict: A few decent flourishes save this film from being utter rubbish so I feel I'm being overly generous by giving this a 4/10